this conversation took place in cyberspace few hours back ;)
The question that comes to mind is where does one draw the line between being hopeful versus being realistic? It baffles me everytime once, especially when it comes to issues of marriage.
It is always good idea to put conditions in our du'aas but I always thought the opposite. I knew you should always ask for the best, but also, that your du'aas should be general because Allah (SWT) Knows what is best for you.
From my experience, i've learnt to add such conditions (like, 'if such and such thing is best for me') in all my du'aa's ... because at times in the past i have begged Allaah subhanahu wa ta'aala for things saying that please grant me this and make it good for me, in reality, I had already decided in my mind that I wanted that and nothing else, that is, I was not open to the idea that something else might be good for me though I might not see how, at that point in time.
Anyway , I ended up being granted what i asked for, and the period that followed was perhaps among the most stressful of my life ... wa lillahil hamd, and I blame only myself for what happened. Allaah, my Most Rahman Rabb, soon changed my situation to something that I initially did not want but Alhamdulillah it has led to tons of khair for me since .. wa lillahil hamd 'adada khalqihi wa rida nafsihi wa zenata 'arshihi wa midaada kalimaatih.
Ever since I have striven to make du'aa by adding the condition that I be granted something if it is best for me, as only Allaah knows what is truly best for us. I've been experiencing the same thing recently: where you ask for something that is good, but it ends up being a huge test for you.
Remember the power of the du’aa. There is an ocean of billions upon billions of people out there. Wa Allahul Khalaq, He Ta'ala, can specifically lead that "sahabi" or close to "sahabi" like brother to your doorstep if you have genuine, sincere yaqeen in your du’aa and we have to ask ourselves "where's our HOPE in Allah Azza wa Jal?"
Du'aa is extremely powerful. We really underestimate it. As long as we have doubts, (Oh...Okay ya Rabb Allahumma yrizuqna kaza wa kaza, (*but then in the back of your mind your like, hmmm I can't possibly see how I'll ever find someone like this person I make du’aa about...) Then khalas, the du’aa is nothing but uttered words. But if one really EXPECTS that Allahul Rabbul ‘alameen will grant you that person, and reflect on Allah's miraculous Sublimity, and ultimate Powers, then- inshaAllah it will happen! You'll see! Believe me one can reach that level inshaAllah with the help of Allah. It's a matter taking the means, and having a lot of tawwakul (which takes a lot of du’aa to have as well- blind faith and trust in Allahu Ta'ala).
I think if we try to do it ourselves, and actually "BE" the one you want your spouse to be, and strive in that, then Allah Kareem-insha Allah Allah Azza wa Jal, will grant you who you wish!
But I'd also like to add one more thing, it takes a lot of sabr, and wisdom, and really pure intentions,(i.e marrying for the correct reasons), in order to really expect Allah Azza wa Jal to carry you along the way, to the right person.
I think when looking for a spouse and considering their characteristics: deen, akhlaaq, adaab, upbringing, family, etc... You should put
With ups and downs.... Honestly, finding a spouse is just the beginning of a very, long journey.. ;)
Thus, this particular ayah had new meaning in my life:
وَ نَبْلوكُم بِالشَّرِّ وَ الْخَيرِ فِتْنَة وَ إلينا تُرجَعُون
"Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good by way of trial. to Us must ye return"
رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَا أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِين
"Our Lord! We have wronged our own souls: If thou forgive us not and bestow not upon us Thy Mercy, we shall certainly be lost."
( Suratu A'araf :23)
والله علمMay Allah (SWT) make things easy for you my sister in Islam,and make your future marriage pave a road to Jannat al Firdaws for you and your future hubby...Allahumma aameen ;)
ps : and one more word : patience ;)